i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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