tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
