I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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