Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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