he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
