but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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