I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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