she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
