Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize