Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
