In the future we'll all be gay
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
