Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?