My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.