Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?