One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.