It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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