he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
