Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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