On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
