how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
