Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
