I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
