As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
