You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
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I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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