im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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