I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
