i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
