Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm passing your future prison.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
