She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
