I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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