So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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