I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
