this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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