He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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