Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize