I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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