Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
