Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
