absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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