Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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