i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
