I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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