What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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