sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
