she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
