I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
