Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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