so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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