its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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