Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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