What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
