I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
