**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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