i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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