your thong is hanging out like whoa
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
