yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
