my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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