she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
