I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
