We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i've created a new STD.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
