She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?