I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.