My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
