so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
