that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I die, sorry about rent.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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