I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please come you make the beer taste better
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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